4 Tips to Help Your Toddler’s Bedtime Go Smoothly
Toddlers are fun little creatures, aren’t they?! They’re busy trying to figure out how the world—their world—works, while fully feeling all their feelings, and trying to gain a sense of autonomy. Combine all of this with the many transitions that are supposed to end with them getting into bed at night, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster!
Just ask Jen.
“My husband and I spent way too long believing/hoping our 2.5 year-old would outgrow the sleep issues he, and we, by extension, were facing on a regular basis: a general refusal to stay in bed, several wakeups throughout the night paired with mad dashes into our room, and early morning starts. Our toddler, sweet and compliant in most other ways, needed support and more ZZZs, and so did we.” Jen, mom to Ezra, 2.5 years old
If you find yourself in a similar situation, just know you’re not alone. Toddler bedtimes (and nighttimes, but that’s another topic for another day!) can be tough on both you and your child. That’s because bedtime struggles are really separation struggles.
The good news is that it doesn't have to be this way! With some patience and creativity, you'll find that getting your toddler in bed for the night can become a lot less stressful. Here are some tips for helping your little one settle down at night:
Assess how much sleep your child is getting in a 24-hour period.
If your toddler just seems to fight bedtime—like it’s taking them more than 30 minutes to fall asleep, assess how much sleep your child is currently getting in nights and naps combined.
In general, the average toddler needs 11.5-12.5 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period. If you've been tracking your child's naps and nighttime sleep, you may have noticed that it adds up to more than 12 hours of rest time—and that may be a bit too much.
After age 2, children need much less daytime sleep. If they're napping too long during the day, you're going to see that play out—and cut into sleep—at bedtime and/or overnight.
If your 3-year-old is still taking a monster 2/3-hour nap during the day and you’re having issues with bedtime, during the night, or early in the morning (before 6am), guess what?? It’s time to cap the nap, and possibly even drop it.
If you find that you’re in this situation, I’d recommend taking a more conservative approach and start with capping the nap to 75 or 60 minutes. If, after a few weeks, you’re still experiencing those bedtime battles, overnight wakings, or early morning wake-ups, it may be time to drop the nap altogether.
Utilize a consistent, soothing bedtime routine.
A bedtime routine is a great way to help your child wind down and prepare for sleep. It's important that you keep the same bedtime routine every night so your toddler knows exactly what to expect.
A helpful bedtime routine includes: a bath, reading, and time for connection. Make sure your child gets plenty of exercise during the day, too, so they're ready for this relaxing routine at night!
Choose books that set the tone for bedtime rather than ones that wind your child up even more and encourage a fear/anxiety about sleep (like ones about monsters). Here is a quick list of some of my favorites:
No Matter What by Debi Gliori
If Animals Kissed Good Night by Ann Whitford Paul, illustrated by David Walker
I Love You to the Moon and Back by Amelia Hepworth, illustrated by Tim Warnes
With Lots of Love by Jenny Torres Sanchez, illustrated by André Ceolin
Goodnight, Gorilla by Peggy Rathmann
Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site by Sherri Duskey Rinker, illustrated by Tom Lichtenheld
Pajama Time! by Sandra Boynton
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, illustrated by Ruth E. Harper and Nancy M. Leak
If you do choose to read books that are more high energy, just make sure you end with a calm one that sets the tone for what’s to come.
Make transitions easier by providing choices.
Many toddlers struggle with transitions. This is not only common, but developmentally age-appropriate!
But it can also make bedtime more challenging, because, well, there are a lot of transitions along the way.
Think about it—you’re expecting your child to move from playing to eating, eating to cleaning up, cleaning up to washing up, washing up to reading, reading to bed. It’s a lot in a fairly short amount of time!
So what can you do?? Give choices.
By giving your child choices in a framework that you feel comfortable with, you are still setting the boundaries and non-negotiables, but your child gets to make choices for themselves, which allows them a sense of control and helps them become more actively involved in the process of going to sleep.
Here are some examples for you, keeping in mind that the non-negotiable here is that it is bedtime:
Non-negotiable—it’s bathtime: “Would you like to fly like an airplane or chugga-chugga like a train to the bathroom?”
Non-negotiable—it’s time to brush their teeth: “Would you like to put the toothpaste on your toothbrush or would you like me to?”
Non-negotiable—it’s time to put on pajamas: Present two options for pajamas, and your child gets to choose which pair they’d like to wear
Non-negotiable—it’s time to read: Present two options for books, and your child gets to choose which book you read.
Non-negotiable—it’s time to get in bed: “Would you like to sleep alone tonight or with your blankie/bear/etc?”
Use a visual chart to follow the steps in your bedtime routine.
I also like to suggest that parents provide a visual chart for the bedtime routine. This nifty tool helps remove some of the guesswork visually for what comes next and your child will feel better prepared to go to sleep.
It can also be used as a way to keep track of progress, encourage good behavior, and help your child learn new skills. Want them to start putting toothpaste on their toothbrush? Add it to the chart!
Communicate and calm
You want to make sure that your child understands what is happening at bedtime. You want them to know that this is their time to relax, rest, and feel confident in their ability to fall asleep. The more familiar they are with the steps leading up to bedtime, the more likely they will be able to follow the routine without any problems!
It may take some time before your toddler gets used to having an actual bedtime routine, but once they do, it will become easier for both you and them!
Like most things when it comes to your child’s sleep routine, consistency is key. By remaining consistent and calming with your routine, establishing boundaries around bedtime, and allowing your child choices, you'll be helping your little one form healthy sleep habits that will last them a lifetime.
If you still feel like you’re struggling with your toddler at bedtime or throughout the night, Jen has laid it out for you: “I only wish we had connected with Liza earlier! She helped us understand what was developmentally appropriate (for our 2.5-year-old) and what was behavioral, provided us with a host of viable solutions, and allowed us to thoughtfully consider our best path forward. Liza's ability to design the right "cocktail" for our situation made all the difference. We saw results within a week. Now, our toddler goes to sleep without major issues and sleeps through the night—every night! Liza is an excellent communicator with an incredible wealth of knowledge.”
I’d love to help you too! You can learn more about how I work with toddler and early childhood families here.