The 4-Month Sleep Regression: How to Get Through It
If you're a new(er) parent, you've likely heard of it before...
...the dreaded 4-MONTH SLEEP REGRESSION!
It's a time when some parents feel that they've finally got this sleep thing down, and then - BOOM! - all of a sudden they're back to square one, waking every 2-3 hours, or even worse, your baby starts waking even MORE often than they previously were! Nights are a mess. Naps are short. Sleep is just HARD.
Let’s be honest, motherhood, in general, is f—ing hard. Add in a baby who doesn’t sleep, and it’s really f—ing hard.
This - the four month age - was when we sleep trained my son because the regression hit us soooo hard. I knew it was time. He had done a couple of good nights with some really solid (9-hour!) stretches. But then, all of the sudden, he started waking more frequently. Like every 90 minutes. And the only way he’d go back to sleep was if I nursed or held him. After a few consecutive nights of this, I was a zombie. I cried a lot.
So I bit the bullet, hired a sleep consultant, and after three nights of sleep training, he was sleeping through the night, 11.5-12 hours. And I was sleeping too. It was amazing. We never looked back.
Now, your baby may not experience a terrible disruption to their sleep during the 4-month sleep regression, but there is a lot going on from a physiological perspective, so it’s not uncommon to see some sleep struggles emerge–especially if your little one is used to falling asleep with help from you, like my son was.
So, what are some of the big changes you can expect to see around this time? The maturation of sleep cycles, physical milestone development (rolling!), and the 4-3 nap transition are just a few big things that all happen right around 4-5 months.
What does that look like exactly?
Maturation of Sleep Cycles During the 4-Month Sleep Regression
When your baby was first born, they only had two stages of sleep - active sleep and quiet sleep.
Between 3.5-5 months, though, they will develop, and your baby will now have four stages of sleep. Just like we have as adults, your child now has the same four stages to their sleep:
The biggest difference between adult sleep cycles and pediatric sleep cycles is that theirs are roughly 45 minutes and ours are 90 minutes.
Because there are more stages of sleep to cycle through, there are now more opportunities for your baby to wake up. This results in more night wakings and short naps if your baby doesn't yet have the ability to connect their sleep cycles independently.
So, even though it’s a natural development, or progression, of your child’s sleep cycles, it’s commonly referred to as a regression because for many babies, it results in more night wakings and shorter naps.
Keep in mind, short naps ARE developmental. That means we can’t expect a baby to easily, naturally link their sleep cycles (and take longer naps) until they’re closer to 6 months and are falling asleep for the nap independently. It's okay to help your baby extend a nap by soothing or holding them. With time and practice, they will soon be able to do it on their own!
Signs That Your Baby is Going Through the 4-Month Sleep Regression
Besides the more frequent night wakings and short naps, here are some other things you might notice:
Difficulty falling asleep.
Increased crying or fussiness upon awakening.
Notably reduced total sleep time.
When you notice these changes happening, it's a great time to sleep train! Help your little one learn to fall asleep on their own so when they have those wakings between sleep cycles, they can get BACK to sleep on their own as well.
How to Get Through the 4-Month Sleep Regression
This doesn't have to be that difficult. It likely just feels difficult because it’s a big change and you haven’t done it yet.
But sleep is a skill, and you are your child’s first teacher. That means you can teach them to be a better sleeper!
Are you anxious just thinking about it??
You're not alone. Making changes around your child’s sleep - and the term “sleep training” - seems really big and really scary, especially if you’ve spent any time in certain mom Facebook groups. So much as whisper that you’re even considering sleep training as an option and you’ll get taken on at least 5 different guilt trips in a matter of minutes:
“I could never do that to my baby.”
“Just bring your baby into bed with you!”
“That didn’t work for my family and now I sleep in my toddler’s bed.”
“They’re only this tiny once. Just enjoy the snuggles!”
“Just because it’s nighttime doesn’t mean you’re off the clock.”
“Sleep training is cruel.”
Sleep training can be a very emotional, personal decision. But, when done in a developmentally-appropriate and supportive way, you’ve got nothing to worry about!
Sleep training has been shown to:
Improve mental health (research shows a mom’s mental health status is an indicator of healthy parent-child attachment outcomes; research also shows that sleep training, also known as “behavioral sleep interventions,” has no negative effect on parent-child attachment)
Improve your relationship with your partner
Provide structure and predictability around sleep (which in turn actually provides more flexibility with sleep once it’s an integrated, learned skill)
Allow your child to sleep almost anywhere because they don’t necessarily need YOU to help them to sleep
You can read about your sleep training options here, and if you're interested in support from a sleep consultant or would like to learn more about working together to get through this tricky time, let's chat! You can visit my services page or schedule a call to talk more about how I can help you get to the other side, and get your whole family sleeping better.
Think of me as someone who’s been where you are, survived this stage, and can guide you through the process in a way that feels good to you!